Dear Dad…

Hey Dad,

Well. I made it.

Forty-nine.

I’m officially older than you.

I’m going to like year forty-nine, just as I’ve loved every year before.  I have you to thank for that.  When you left so young I learned that aging is not something to mourn.  It’s a gift.  A gift that was denied you.  A gift I will honor as long as it’s mine.

We had a conversation once–you and I–before you were sick, before any of us knew your life would be short.  You told me you didn’t like that your eyes were starting to show their age.  Didn’t like the bags that were forming beneath them.  You said you might look into getting them fixed someday.

The thing is I never thought about age when I looked into your eyes. All I ever saw was a sparkle.  A sparkle for life and for those you loved. Your eyes made me feel loved.  Nothing else mattered.

I try to remember that as I age, when I think I might want to get something fixed.  I try to remember that if my face shows a sparkle–for life and for those I love–if love shines through my eyes and makes others feel special, nothing else matters.

So I’ll continue forward in joy, accumulating new wrinkles and bags–wrinkles and bags I would love to see on you now–while I work toward having an extraordinary soul instead of an extraordinary face.

It’s all I’ve ever wanted you know, to have an extraordinary soul.

This my forty-ninth year is filled with new challenges. You know what they are.  I feel you with me, helping me through them.  I’m grateful for that.

I’m grateful for the challenges too.  I know they’ll change me.  They already have.  I’m having to grow, to fight, to tap into all of the gifts afforded to me as a child of God.  It’s exhausting, scary and exciting all at the same time.  I love to see what God can do.

I’m grateful to you and Mom for showing me how to sacrifice in charity and love.  Your example gives me the strength I need now.  Thank you.

And thank you for the Christmas of 1986 and my beautiful Karmann Ghia.  My kids surprised me with DVD copies of our old home movies for my birthday.  I loved seeing that sparkle in your eyes as you talked about gifting me that car.

Thank you for being my dad.  Thank you for loving me.

And thank you for being with me now, for guiding me through this life. Because even though I’m now older than you, I still need you.  I need you more than ever.

And I love you always.